Friday, 17 April 2015 5:07 pm 0 note(s)

hey, i know i'm still on hiatus. but i can't help myself to actually feel sad this early morning when i think back about my birthday two days ago. everyone think i must have a nice birthday that i would blog about it, but honestly i don't. when i think back the only best birthday that deserve to be remember is when i was 6 or 7, but the birthday we celebrate wasn't exactly my birthday. mom thought i was born on the march and i believe it. but when i look at my birth certification, it turns out i'm an April bitch.

for some reason i rather had my birthday on march. friends at my school seems to know but doesn't care. honestly, when i said wishing was already my best gift, i lied. no it doesn't. i want my birthday to be special especially when i'm already 17. there's like 4 or 5 people who actually had their birthday on April too. some of them are my friends. or maybe i shouldn't call them a friend.

and just sending out voice note doesn't meant a thing to me. sorry. i'm not expecting birthday gift since i knew myself i don't have money too to give other people gift. but at least try and give me something that would make me feel appreciated.

some of you might think i make this a big deal, but tell you what. my big deal is when some of my friends birthday were celebrated with them collecting money to buy cakes. literally my friend who i talk most to. she said she doesn't want to have best birthday. but i think she won't be saying that when the others actually going to surprise her with birthday cake in mcd.

everyone literally have birthday cake but i don't. i knew i'm actually on a diet but i was cheating the day off just so i could eat my cake. but what i get was a cupcake. well close enough to a cake? no, i don't feel special with just a cupcake.

i want people to know that, i am hurt honestly. with them. with everyone who i be friend with. honestly i want a birthday cake. i want a birthday gift. i want something to make me feel special on my day. just a wish doesn't meant a thing to me. i don't care if i demand too much. i just hated the way how i participate people birthday and make them feel special, but remembering how i don't treated specially on my birthday totally gonna ruin my mood the day where my friend birthday arrive.

then again i never had a close friend. i really want that someone who remember me when i wasn't around. someone who talk nice thing about me, someone who cares about me, someone who could be there for me. I just want that one friend who their first priority is me (well after their fam, love one, etc). but then i never meet one. i just only knew someone who i use to be bestfriend pretend to not know me, or maybe someone who needs me just because i can give an advantage to them. i don't know, am i a toy? i live to treat like a toy?

Oh Allah, help me. give me someone who could be there for me and someone who can help me in need and in happiness. someone who would never forget me. someone who isn't afraid of pointing out my mistake and correcting it. someone who puts family and friend first before boys. she doesn't have to be perfect, but when we're together, she could be the bestest friend one could ask for. help me, Allah.